Ethical Dilemmas

I faced my first real ethical dilemma today. Or at least, that's what it felt like. More like a melodramatic overreaction on my part, but none the less made me think, made me feel for the first time as a photojournalist.

My assignment was to document homeless life in Fort Collins. Having seen Philadelphia Enquirer photographer Tom Gralish's Pulitzer award winning photographs of Philadelphia's homeless, I was obviously very nervous. I actually psyched myself out.

The writer for the story told me that the homeless like to sleep at the library and at the bus station in Old Town. So, early in the morning I go to the address the writer gave me (which turned out to be a completely different place) and waited for the people to be sent out at 6:45 (which apparently only happens on weekdays). Turns out there was nobody there, but at the time I thought they were simply waiting for me to leave before sending anyone off - a suspicion I thought confirmed when, after driving around the block, I saw people walking out of the side door. Naturally, I felt unwanted.

So I traveled to the bus station, thinking maybe I'll find someone there. I pulled into a parking garage, parked, reached for my cameras, and..... stopped. I couldn't do it. I couldn't "exploit" these peoples' unfortunate circumstances for some picture that will run in the school newspaper. I couldn't find it in my heart to pick my cameras up and go to work. I was at a loss, I never felt anything like it before, like I wanted to rip my heart from my chest so I can just go out and do my job without remorse and without guilt. But I couldn't. I sat in my car gripping the steering wheel with tears in my eyes for a good 15 min before driving away.

To make a long story short, I eventually did gain the confidence and self-reassurance to drive back to the bus station, as well as the library, and investigate. Nothing. I parked in Old Town and strolled the alleys. Nothing. And I stumble across "Hobo Park," across the street from the Open Door Mission, and get to talking to this guy who, never in a million years, I would have guessed was homeless. All my misconceptions flew out the door.

Anyways, summary of the story is I was melodramatic and immature, but I still faced what I saw as my first real ethical dilemma. Hopefully this isn't a sign of things to come, but rather just a good learning experience. I'll take them wherever I can get 'em.

Quote for the day: "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." -Cicero
Song for the day: "It's My Job" -Jimmy Buffett
Word for the day: Guilt - a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.